Diary of a Spinster and Lunatic

It is really easy to get distracted by worldly things.  There are so many things that we think are so important, simply because they make us feel good.  But really, in the grand scheme of things all these pleasurable distractions aren't important at all.  It could shopping, or the feelings of success, or the constant drive to make more money.  None of it matters, if we don't put God first in our lives.    One of my guilty pleasures is to catch up on several lifestyle blogs in the morning on the train on my way to work.  I enjoy reading about a new skincare product, a new designer, or even a great way to give yourself an at home spa day.  These are great, but they're all distractions, ultimately taking my mind away from living a Christian life.  I've noticed that without reading the Bible daily, and saying my prayers, I get pulled away from God.  It's not intentional, but I get distracted.  And, all things need to be centered a...

I struggle with anger and resentment.  In my mind there are certain situations that do just not seem fair.  But, as I've worked through the book of Proverbs over the last, almost 30 days, I've learned that God is merciful.  There have been many times in my own life that God has helped me out, and I was "cut a break" as they say.  But, when someone else is shown that same mercy, I become angry.  Why?  Because at that moment, it seems like I have done more work, or sacrificed more than someone else.  And, that just doesn't seem fair. This week I remember that I need to be humble, and I am not God.  The world is not a fair place, and we are each given what we can handle.  Something I asked myself this past week, as I was frustrated with a co-worker who, in my mind, has not proven herself to be a real hard worker, is "Would I want to be in her position?"  The answer is of course, no.  And that thought immediately brought me back to a ...

We hear time and time again, that our minds are extremely powerful tools.  But, what would you think if someone told you that you could actually make yourself feel less pain, feel more satisfied after eating something healthy, and see more physical results from everyday activities, simply by thinking that you will. It doesn't really seem possible.  I mean, if I'm doing the same exercises everyday, regardless of what I think, won't my body respond the same way?  Dr. Alia Crum proves that no, it won't. Having a more positive mindset, can and will greatly affect your life, both psychologically and physiologically!

Sometimes having hope seems like the hardest thing in the world.  Life's lessons can sometimes seem so cruel and unreasonable.  This week, I remind myself to have hope.  As long as God is on my side, then nothing is impossible. 

I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of the fall season for weeks!  The idea of wrapping myself up in warm sweaters and scarves, drinking hot tea, and being able to open my windows to breathe in the scent of autumn is just so appealing to me.  It's still a little warm for scarves, but that hasn't stopped me from wearing my current favorite fall perfume! I picked up the Elizabeth and James rollerball set last Christmas as a small gift to myself.  While I do like all the scents, the Elizabeth and James Bourbon is by far my favorite.  It smells of oak, with notes of vanilla, and of course bourbon.  I typically like flowery perfumes, but even though this is more woody, it's actually rather sweet.  I just love how sultry and feminine I feel when I'm wearing it.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted a video to Facebook, calling and reminding us to surrender ourselves to God.  Like so many of us, she was feeling anxieties due to a super busy schedule, a lot of commitments, and it didn't feel like everything that needed to be accomplished, was going to be.  Then, she remembered 1 Peter 5:6-7. "So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.  Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you."   She immediately stopped what she was doing, got down on her hands and knees, put her face to the floor, and asked God to take her anxieties. As I was listening to my friend talk about her experience, I initially thought, why would I want to give something to God to carry?  Why would I want to make more work for God?  Doesn't He have enough to do in this vast universe that He created?  Shouldn't I show God I love him by serving Him despite my worries, doubts, fears,...

I've spoken before about how, more frequently than not, I've never felt worthy of love.  It feels weird and a little wrong when people want to celebrate me, not like an accomplishment like a graduation, but just me.  Like on my birthday, or when my parents still do loving, generous things.  Not because I can't do it for myself, but simply because they love me. In a Bible study course I took a few years ago, our facilitator said that even if we were the only person on this earth, God still would have sent his only son Jesus to die for us on the cross.  I really struggled with that for a long time.  I couldn't believe that God looked at me any differently, than I thought others looked at me... like a troublesome child.  Like, someone you just have to deal with, until you can get away from them. I realized that I've never felt worthy of love, because I've never felt like I was doing anything to warrant this love.  Sure, when I graduated college, I wan...

Never forget those who died, those who served, and those who carry on.

We've all heard it before.  One must surrender themselves to God, and only then, can they truly be happy. My response has always been, "That's great.  What exactly does that mean?!  What do you have to do to surrender yourself to God?  And, how do you even know if you're doing it?"  I've wanted to, but wasn't sure exactly what I had to do in order to surrender myself.  I found it really confusing! What are you afraid of? by Dr. David Jeremiah helped to answer a lot of my questions.  The book is broken down into 10 chapters, and addresses the big fears like the fear of disease, the fear of death, and the fear of being alone.  Dr. Jeremiah shares some of his personal experiences, but also provides real life stories, and references Bible versus to help put everything into perspective. Simply put, after reading this book, it's all a matter of how you look at things.  We have to accept that we're not in control.  (Which is somethin...

I recently had a birthday. And, because I was so sure that I was a burden to everyone around me, and that no one could possibly care about me, I pushed everyone away.  I refused to acknowledge the day at all.  In fact, I keep the day a secret from everyone at work.  It wasn't until later did I realize that I probably hurt those people that do in fact care about me, because I wouldn't let them express how they felt.  Even though it feels unnatural, and actually hurts in my heart sometimes to receive love from others, I'm determined not to push people away anymore. The thought process I will be changing this week is that I am in fact, worthy of love.  People do care about me.  If I would just open myself up, and get out of my own head, then I would see it! "I am worthy of love.  Allow other people to express their love for me freely."

I've decided that September is the month I am changing my life.  I'm so tired of falling victim to my own negative self-talk - those voices in my head that tell me I'm hopeless, that I'm not good enough, and that I'm completely unlovable. I feel like there is just this perpetual dark cloud over me.  I'm not necessarily depressed, but I'm not really happy either.  My goal is to find the love that is missing from my life.  And, I'm going to find love through deepening my faith.  If I find love with God, I will love myself, then, inevitably love with others will follow. I am committing to: Learn and live by the standards of God, not my own. Pray daily. Change a new negative thought process each week. Go to church once a week. Find ways to get closer and deepen my relationship with God. Take care of myself, as if I were my own parent or best friend. Read the Bible daily. Finally going to change all those little bad habits I've been meaning t...