A week or so ago, I had an "aha!" moment. I realized that when it came to taking vacation time at work, I was playing the victim. I would not take time off when I could, and would say it's because I felt bad that I was leaving work for others to do while I was away. That point isn't untrue, but I also recognize there's that side of me that was angry that so much seems to fall on my plate. I was also being prideful, because when I did have the opportunity or was encouraged to take a day off, I would think, "Don't do me any favors!" Or, "Gee a day off mid-week... Thanks a lot!"
Ugh. So bad. So immature!
I have been angry because I haven't been getting my way. I started to list all the reasons out, but it's just ridiculous what I wanted, and thought I deserved.
Even though I've been feeling like the victim because one thing or another doesn't seem fair, it in no way means I'm actually a victim.
Thinking the world is fair, is a child-like way of thinking. The world isn't fair. I know this. I've heard the saying "life isn't fair" a million times over the years. And yet, I was getting angry, bitter, and thought I was a victim to this cruel, cruel world, forever suffering at the hands of those around me.
Poor me! Feel sorry for me!!
Ew.
So, even though it felt unnatural, I blocked some time on the calendar for the end of the month. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with it!
I realized that I haven't been taking responsibility for my own happiness. I have no doubt that I'll see more and more ways that I've been playing the victim, and not realizing it. Even as I write this, I'm starting to see flashes of instances of when I thought I was the victim. When I thought things should be fair, or should bend to my taste or needs.
I am not powerless. Life is not something that is happening to me.
I actually found this article incredibly helpful. Albeit, it was a little hard to read. It was kind of like looking into a mirror. And, I did not like what was staring back at me.
So now, when I notice my thoughts turn towards a self-victimization way of thinking, I put a stop to it immediately. I'm not even entertaining those thoughts anymore.
Ugh. So bad. So immature!
I have been angry because I haven't been getting my way. I started to list all the reasons out, but it's just ridiculous what I wanted, and thought I deserved.
Even though I've been feeling like the victim because one thing or another doesn't seem fair, it in no way means I'm actually a victim.
Thinking the world is fair, is a child-like way of thinking. The world isn't fair. I know this. I've heard the saying "life isn't fair" a million times over the years. And yet, I was getting angry, bitter, and thought I was a victim to this cruel, cruel world, forever suffering at the hands of those around me.
Poor me! Feel sorry for me!!
Ew.
So, even though it felt unnatural, I blocked some time on the calendar for the end of the month. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with it!
I realized that I haven't been taking responsibility for my own happiness. I have no doubt that I'll see more and more ways that I've been playing the victim, and not realizing it. Even as I write this, I'm starting to see flashes of instances of when I thought I was the victim. When I thought things should be fair, or should bend to my taste or needs.
I am not powerless. Life is not something that is happening to me.
I actually found this article incredibly helpful. Albeit, it was a little hard to read. It was kind of like looking into a mirror. And, I did not like what was staring back at me.
So now, when I notice my thoughts turn towards a self-victimization way of thinking, I put a stop to it immediately. I'm not even entertaining those thoughts anymore.
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