Diary of a Spinster and Lunatic

In my pursuit to find the reason why people seem to have control over my emotions, I came across this article .   Ironically, I think it might also help me answer my question from yesterday’s post!   I’m excited to read the other How to Be Happy articles .      I’ve discovered that the reason I tend to allow others to influence my mood and emotions is because being confronted brings to the surface all of my self-doubts and fears.   My fears cannot hurt me.   They are all in my head.   By allowing my fears to control me, they do nothing but spark anxiety, self-doubt, and I end up imploding and pushing people away.   Now that I’ve identified this, I can put a stop to my behavior.  

First off, I gave up sweets for Lent, excluding my pancakes on Valentine's Day.  And, I'm trying to steer clear of anything that could substitute sweets (aka - soda, frappuccinos, waffles, etc).  We're about what... roughly 2 weeks in, and I want a cookie SO BAD!!  Like, really, really bad. This weekend, I discovered that my problem was not just an addiction to sugar or crazy lady cravings.  I use sweets as a way to make myself feel good.  And, the fact that I can't have them has revealed (quite intensely) that I use sweets much too often to cope for the lack of other things.  Sometimes it's a new eyeliner, clothes, or something for my apartment, but the most frequent way that I try to make myself feel good, is by treating myself to something sweet. While I don't think that copying mechanisms are necessarily a bad thing, I don't want to live my life by leaning on a bunch of crutches.  Because, I can assure you... this is not the only one I have....

I hate secrets.   Okay… mostly I hate when things are kept from me.   I have no problem keeping a secret if someone confides in me, and said secret is really no one else's business. I’ve had an on-going issue with my parents in regards to them remaining friends with my ex-boyfriend and his family after I told them that I don’t like it.   Let me expand upon this and say that my parents have never actually met any of my ex’s family in person, as they live on the other side of the country.   And because of our long-distance relationship, I can count on one hand the number of times that my ex-boyfriend was in the same room with my parents.   But, apparently, I can’t tell my Mother who she can be friends with.   So, she emails and Facebooks.  And, I recently learned they are making the trip across the country to visit them.   I think what makes me angrier than anything is that it doesn’t make me feel like my parents care about my feelings. ...

And, hello three day weekend! It has been quite a couple of weeks, and I’m very happy to say that work has gradually started to turn from completely and utterly insane, to just utterly insane.   I’m really going to relish the quiet time of this weekend. I recently watched a TV show episode, which featured the importance of small gestures.   I feel starved for romance.   And, I love me some romance.   I mean, who doesn’t dream of the guy that actually comes to your door to pick you up for a date, and who takes your hand when you walk somewhere together, or even the simple act of showing up with a pizza and a bottle of wine after work, when they know that you’ve had a rough day?   I’m not looking for lavish gifts or flowers on the regular, just some thoughtful gestures.   Surprisingly, the person I love did think of me this Valentine’s Day.   He gave me an incredibly thoughtful gift that couldn’t be more me.   And, even more surpr...

This past weekend, as I was trying to decide what I wanted to give up for Lent, I got to thinking about Mardi Gras.  How in the world does a party where people wear masks, flash people for beads, and get drunk have to do with the beginning of Lent?  It turns out that there are festivals held throughout the world similar to mardi gras, specifically in areas with large Roman Catholic populations.  This article was a great read, and provided me with a brief history behind all the debauchery. Happy Mardi Gras!

I think it's both.