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My Coping Mechanisms

First off, I gave up sweets for Lent, excluding my pancakes on Valentine's Day.  And, I'm trying to steer clear of anything that could substitute sweets (aka - soda, frappuccinos, waffles, etc).  We're about what... roughly 2 weeks in, and I want a cookie SO BAD!!  Like, really, really bad.

This weekend, I discovered that my problem was not just an addiction to sugar or crazy lady cravings.  I use sweets as a way to make myself feel good.  And, the fact that I can't have them has revealed (quite intensely) that I use sweets much too often to cope for the lack of other things.  Sometimes it's a new eyeliner, clothes, or something for my apartment, but the most frequent way that I try to make myself feel good, is by treating myself to something sweet.

While I don't think that copying mechanisms are necessarily a bad thing, I don't want to live my life by leaning on a bunch of crutches.  Because, I can assure you... this is not the only one I have.  There are several things that I feel like I'm missing in my life.  For starters, I'm missing a good, loving relationship.  I would love to have friends that live close by.  The ones I have live far away, and the one that is closer is a Mom of two, and well... I'm not her priority.  As it should be.  So, I'm lonely.  I feel like my life has no purpose.  If I died tomorrow, who would really care?  My parents and sister would miss me, but would anyone else?  I'm not contributing to society in any way.  Almost all of my girlfriends are now Moms.  They're contributing by shaping the next generation.  What am I doing?  And, work doesn't count.  While I think my co-workers would be sad if something happened to me, they would just hire someone else and continue on with the day-to-day.

So, how can I lead a more fulfilling life?  My first thought is to volunteer.  And, while I want to do that anyway, I don't think this is the true answer I'm looking for.  I want to put myself out there to make some new, high-quality friends that are close in regards to location.  But, again... not the root of my problem.  In fact, these are just other coping mechanisms or crutches.  They will distract me from my feelings.  I know I have to find it within myself... this happiness, contentment, or whatever it is I need to find.

I wish someone would just tell me what it is already... 

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