Diary of a Spinster and Lunatic

When I die, put my ashes in the trash bag I don't care where they go Don't waste your money on my gravestone I'm more concerned about my soul Everybody's gon' die Don't everybody live though Sometimes I look up to the sky And wonder do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord Listen, yeah everybody wants change Don't nobody wanna change though Don't nobody wanna pray Till they got something to pray for Now everybody's gon' die But don't everybody live though Sometimes I look up to the sky And wonder do you see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord It's easy to blame God but harder to fix things We look in the sky like, "Why ain

Sometimes the road seems so long and endless, that the idea we'll ever get to where we want to be seems like a battle that will never be won.  That all our efforts don't matter, and are for nothing.  But, the truth is, we need to find joy in the journey.  Stop focusing so much on what we don't have and that place that we haven't reached yet, and start being present in the moment and learning how everything we do affects us, and others.  Ask yourself, what is the impression I made today?  How have I affected others?  How does that make me feel?  How can I do better? Too often, I believe that we miss part of the message we're supposed to get out of our experiences, because we're so focused on the the end point. "The Pleasure and value of every walk or journey we take may be doubled to us by carefully noting down the impressions it makes upon us." - John Burroughs

It is officially November, so you know what that means.   Holiday preparations are now in full swing.   I’ve been told I’m so organized I’m boring, but making lists, forward thinking and planning helps with managing my stress levels.   There is just so much to do, think about, and keep track of!   I have about 5 lists going right now.   It’s crazy.   What’s most exciting is that since I’ve moved to a house, my family and I will have more room to spread out and relax at Thanksgiving.   I always get so nervous that everything won’t work out, or people won’t have a good time.   But, no matter how much I worry, it always works out in the end. Here’s to a happy, healthy, and relatively stress free holiday season!

I realized that I've been putting a lot of things off lately, which has been making me feel lazy.  So, this week, I will be focusing on getting those things done that have been on my to-do list for weeks, dare I say months.  I haven't fully grasped how time can just get away from me the way it does, but that's not the type of life I want to live.  I typically like to point out how I'm going to stop the bad habit, but I'm not exactly sure what to do here.  As always, I try to find the balance.   It's the week of Halloween, and I couldn't be more excited.  For the first time, I live in a place where I will get trick-or-treaters!  I still have to buy and carve a pumpkin, but at least I can say I have all the candy I need.  Minus the several pieces that I've already eaten...  😋😉

I just need some time, I'm tryna think straight I just need a moment in my own space Ask me how I'm doin', I'll say, "okay" Yeah, but ain't that what we all say? Sometimes I think back to the old days In the pointless conversations with the old me Yeah, back when my momma used to hold me I wish somebody woulda told me If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away If you want love, if you want love Look, as a kid I used to think life Is moving so slow, I watch it go by Look out the window on my bus ride I thought the world was so small, through my closed eyes I've always tried to control things In the end that's what controls me Maybe that's why I'm controllin' I wish somebody woulda told me If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change If

I am on a quest to be the best me possible.  And, that includes finding a way to replace my anger and resentment towards others, with loving kindness.  In the book Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein which I wrote about here, she brings you through several methods to foster compassion and love towards yourself and others, so that you may ultimately get to the point of forgiveness.  Tapping happens to be one of the methods I have found to be the most helpful. Tapping, also known as EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques, is based on a combination of principles found in acupuncture and psychology.   Tapping certain meridian points on your body, while focusing on negative emotions or physical sensations, aids in the calming of the nervous system and helps to rewire the brain in healthier ways.   It sounds kind of hokey, but I’ve actually found it really helpful.   Gabrielle walks you through a few types of EFT sessions, depending on whether you’re suffering from judging others,

I realized lately that I’ve started to lose my drive and focus when it comes to personal growth and improvement.   I hit, what felt like a major milestone a couple weeks ago, and I think in a way I felt like I could take a break.   And, while a break is ok, my “breaks” tend to last too long, or I simply stop entirely.   I recognize that I need to keep going on my current path.   Because, if I stop now, it could set me back.   And, I’m so tired of being set back, and being left behind.   What are those things that you’ve been putting off?   What is something that is undone in your life?   Get on it girl!  Even if you don't finish the task, start it today !

We all have storms, or difficult times, in our lives that come and go.   It is in those times that we need to remember that even though we feel alone, God is, in fact, with us.   He is constantly giving us help, if we are only open to seeing it. These hard times force us to grow as people.   They give us the knowledge and experience to weather even stronger storms in the future.   And, most times, they bring us closer to God. Remember that peace is not the absence of a storm, but rather finding tranquility while the storm rages around us.   Have faith.   Have hope.   Because it will get better, and you’ll be a wiser person because of it.  

For the longest time, I considered the super opinionated/judgmental side of myself, to just be a part of me.   I thought it was who I was, and I wasn’t going to be able to change it.   So, I developed coping mechanisms where I tried super hard to never let people know what I really thought.   I thought if I could just keep these harsh thoughts to myself, then I was knocking this thing called life, out of the park.   The thing is, I’ve noticed that my judgments have turned to resentments.   And, there are things that have been eating at me for years, decades even! For whatever reason, the Spirit moved me to look further into what I considered my opinionated side.   And, I ended up picking up Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein at my local library.   I finished the book in 4 days.   It’s seriously that good.   From the moment I turned the first page, Gabrielle was there enlightening me.   We are judgmental because there is something another person, a group of people, or s

We have all had our share of hurt and suffering.  For me, that came in the form of a bad, toxic relationship.  A relationship that I have held onto for almost 9 years now.  There's a part of me that wishes it would just end, and another part that hopes we can make it work.  I mean, those feelings for a person you truly love, just don't go away.  And, I can't let go. This man, who I now just consider to be a friend, said and did some pretty cruel things to me.  I recognize that these things were out of anger and due in part to the hard life that my friend had to endure, beginning as early as infancy.  That being said, there are days when I can think of him and see the hurt child that really just needs a good mother.  But, then there's this other side of me, who is angry, hurt, and resentful. I try so hard to do the right thing.  That no matter what I'm feeling inside, I do the Christian thing on the outside.  The thing I worry about though, is that God sees what&

My Bible Study group started back up again a couple weeks ago, and I didn’t realize how much I missed this wonderful group of women over the last three months.   During the introduction, our group leader said that we were all there, arm in arm, trying to get each other to Heaven.   What a beautiful and powerful image! How much better would the world be, if we were more focused on how we supported each other, and less worried about what we were getting?  

Fall is by far my most favorite time of year.  I love the colors, the smells, the scarves, and the hot beverages.  I'm so excited for this change of season.  I really want to cherish and savor this time.  So, I put together a fall bucket list, to help make some special memories. I hope you enjoy everything this time of year has to offer! * Go apple picking. * Carve a pumpkin. * Make homemade apple bread. * Do an at home yoga retreat and spa day. * Finish painting my guest room. * Go to The Pendry for brunch. * Try a new hearty stew or chili recipe. * Go for a hike among the pretty fall leaves. * Take lots of pictures! I had to laugh when I saw this picture.  It's so me on September 1st!  At least mentally.  Because well... it's literally about 100 degrees outside as I write this.  LOL!

Last week, I was really struggling to be kind, and open my home to someone I don't really trust or respect.  But, regardless of my feelings for her, she needed my help.  Luckily, she ended up not staying with me.  However, those feelings of judgment, resentment and hate towards this person concerns me.  This person has never been consciously hurtful towards me.  I just don't like the type of person she is.  I'm such a child nerd, but it took me watching Cinderella a few times to see how I needed to view this woman.  I needed to remember her backstory, and that there is a reason she acts the way she does.  I don't have to agree with it.  But, I need to have compassion, and if anything, be a positive influence to her, and maybe through my example, she will want to raise her own standards.

For the last several months, I’ve been really focused on changing daily habits in order to reach my personal goals and raise my standards.   I figure, if I change a part of my routine, then after a while it becomes the new normal.   And then, I won’t even think twice about the routine (or life) change that originally seemed so drastic. I came across this Tony Robbins video, and it just spoke to me. There are so many things over the years that I’ve wanted to do, but told myself I would do it one day.   You know, when I had more time, more money, or the support of a significant other.   The thing is, more than 15 years later, many of the things on my Should List are the same.   And, I find that to be rather depressing. Mr. Robbins says that if something is important to us, then we do it.   But, we consider those “shoulds” in our lives to be “nice to haves.”   Meaning, we don’t put much effort into reaching our goal, whatever that may be, because it’s not all that importan

  Growing up, if someone had asked me what my favorite pastime was, I probably would have said reading.   I was definitely a diehard Babysitters Club fan.   And, as I grew, my taste in books also evolved.   However, once I entered college, I stopped reading as much for pleasure, if at all.   If I was going to spend time reading, it needed to be for the benefit of whatever class I was taking.   And, as of late, it’s only been self-help books.   Anything to get myself to grow, and move forward.   But, man I miss reading.   Sans the constant feeling of, “I just need to get through this.”   I’ve never gotten into reading books electronically.   Sure, it’s more economical and probably better for the environment, but there is just something about holding a book, feeling it’s pages, and oh the smell !   I’m a total nerd, but I loved the smell of my college library.   I heard about the #15Pages A Day Pledge on The Stripe , which is probably my most favorite blog of all time.  

Trying to be what other people want in order to be loved, is a never ending battle that cannot be won.   I’ve been way too focused on the idea that if other people love me, it proves that I am important, and that my life has meaning.   But, the truth is I can’t rely on others to make me feel that way.   I just need to live up to my own standards, so that when I look in the mirror, I’m happy with who I see.

It’s been several weeks, dare I say months, since I completed the BeautifulYOU Program developed by Dr. Melody Stevens.   It was during this program that I realized, trying to be a good person in order to receive love from others, wasn’t exactly a healthy goal.   Instead, because we need to give love as much as we need to receive love, I decided my life goal would be to start helping others and finding ways to focus on giving back.   Let me tell you how much I have done in regards to moving forward with my goal.   Nada. I can give a million excuses as to why I haven’t done anything.   But, the truth is, I didn’t make it a priority, and put my time and energy towards other things.   But, I digress. As my first step in moving forward with my goal, I wanted to come up with a list of small things I can do every day in order to make life a little easier for other people.   When it comes down to it, I think we’re all a little selfish, and focused on what we’re currently t

I've always been super self-conscious about the way I look.  I have small eyes, big cheeks, and suffered from acne from about 3rd grade until I was well into my twenties.  So, I put a lot of emphasis on how I dressed and the types of clothes I wore.  I became very focused on my image.  And, while I still enjoy fashion, I no longer use it to define myself.  I find life to be so much meaningful and fulfilling now that I put more emphasis on how I treat others, how I react to situations, and how I learn from my mistakes.  Let's make sure we stay focused on what's really important in life, and not get distracted by all the shiny and pretty things. 

I had such a bonehead moment last week.  I was walking through the store, and it struck me that all the school supplies were out.  Why are all the school supplies out?   Oh yeah… because it’s August.   Ergo, it’s back to school!    I’m sorry, when did it become August?    There’s a part of me that really misses school.  I can remember being that nerdy kid who was excited for school to start in September.  I would pack up my backpack with all my supplies, and know that I was going to fill my notebooks with all kinds of great information.  I was always determined to make the honor roll, and be that much smarter than I was the year before.   Even though my formal schooling years are behind me, I still enjoy learning new things, as well as the work that I do in my job.  And, what is more fun that going to work and getting to use super fun supplies?!  I decided to round up some fun office supplies below for us adults.    Who said the kids get to

Sometimes there is something in life that you want so badly, you'll do anything you can to get it.  But, unfortunately no matter how hard you try, things may not always go the way you want them to.  You have to admit to yourself, that there are things outside of your control.  Which is so unbelievably frustrating!  So when I came across this saying on a friend's Facebook feed, it seemed like it might be the time to stop dwelling on what I don't have, and start focusing on what I do.  Maybe I don't really need, what I think I want? 

As someone who is single, I worry about who will take care of me as I age.  Or worse, what if something happens, and I can’t take care of myself now?!  I never want to be a burden to someone else, nor do I want to cost someone else their future, because of my lack of preparation.  So, when I came across the Single But Not Alone article in Kiplinger’s July issue, I felt this huge weight lifted from my shoulders.  Because, I now have some specific steps to take in order to successfully prepare for my future.  There are a number of things in the article I think I’m too young to be worrying about just yet, but there were a couple that I feel I could start doing today.   For one, I need to start putting more money into savings.   Like most, I thought as long as I had at least three to six months in savings for an emergency, I was ok.   But, as a single, unexpected emergencies will impact me more than my married friends.   And, therefore, I’m going to be aiming to have nine to