Diary of a Spinster and Lunatic

Criticism seems to be tricky.   Where is the line between healthy feedback, which may seem like criticism to the other party?   Or, being overly critical to the point that the person providing feedback, is the one with the larger issue?   This has been an on-going internal struggle for me.   I know that, in the past, I’ve looked at constructive feedback as being criticized.   I got defensive, and frustrated, because from my perspective, the person I considered to be the critic, was not clear in what they wanted to me to do to fix it.   In hind-sight, I can see where they were clear, I just wasn’t able to see past my hurt/embarrassed/prideful feelings, at the time.   On the other hand, can some people just be overly critical, and really make things worse, as opposed to   making them better?   I came across this article , by the Harvard Business Review, which provided proof that people can be overly critical, and I immediately clung to it.   Finally, proof that it wasn’t jus

A couple weeks ago, I was catching up with my Aunt, and we were discussing my sister’s up-coming wedding.   Which, led to a discussion of my lack of a relationship.   My Aunt told me to pray to Saint Jude.   Now, growing up Catholic, and having attending 12 years of Catholic school, I should know what Saint Jude is the patron of… but, I did not.   So, I asked.   And, my Aunt said, “He’s the patron saint of impossible cases.”   I immediately laughed.   I suppose some could have taken that as an insult.   But, I thought it was so appropriate.   I mean, how often do I feel like I’m just a hopeless case, destined to be alone forever?   More often than I care to admit.   I like to be in control.  And, in instances where it's impossible to control the situation, I create an illusion of control.  I often forget that ultimately, I need to surrender to God, and put my faith in Him.  Don't get my wrong.  I don't think that praying I'm good at relationships, will som

I have just finished the most amazing book.   And, I’m already starting to re-read it!   I came across Rising Strong by Brené Brown, while in search of ways to be more vulnerable, and strengthen my relationships.   During my search, I happened across the Ted Talk YouTube video below, and immediately checked Rising Strong out at my local library.     What I love about Brené Brown is that she’s a story teller.   Throughout the book, she’ll tell you a story either involving herself, or another individual she’s interviewed, and how she or that individual learned their lesson involving the topic at hand.   Which, in my opinion, made the lesson so relatable.   I’m not good with common sense, or conceptual thinking, so I learn really well using this methodology.   You can tell me something till your blue in the face, but, unless I can relate to it, and see how I’m doing that very same thing, I won’t pick up on the things I need to change.   And, unfortunately, that comes across

There are days when my negative thoughts take over.  One of those things I worry about most is whether or not I'll ever find true love.  And, is it too late in my life to find love? No matter what your goal is, it is NOT TOO LATE.  The perfect day to start will always be yesterday, but today is is the next best day.  There is no time like the present.  You can't let your negative thoughts get the better of you.  They will always be there.  You just have to tell those thoughts to stop talking, and be quiet.  How much do you want it? It's never too late to reach your dreams!  :)  

A week or so ago, I had an "aha!" moment.  I realized that when it came to taking vacation time at work, I was playing the victim.  I would not take time off when I could, and would say it's because I felt bad that I was leaving work for others to do while I was away.  That point isn't untrue, but I also recognize there's that side of me that was angry that so much seems to fall on my plate.  I was also being prideful, because when I did have the opportunity or was encouraged to take a day off, I would think, "Don't do me any favors!"  Or, "Gee a day off mid-week... Thanks a lot!"  Ugh.  So bad.  So immature! I have been angry because I haven't been getting my way.  I started to list all the reasons out, but it's just ridiculous what I wanted, and thought I deserved. Even though I've been feeling like the victim because one thing or another doesn't seem fair, it in no way means I'm actually a victim.  Thinking th

I am extremely excited to report that I have finally decided on a mission statement for this blog, as well as in a way, my own life.   Be the change you want to see in the world.     S o often, I find myself judging others for how they act, how lazy, or how unaware they are.   When in fact, there are many ways that I am the same as the se people that I'm so quickly judging !    Going forward, if I see something I don’t like, the first thing I’m going to do is self-evaluate and see how I may be doing the same thing.   Sure, I may not be too lazy to put my shopping cart back in the shopping cart return corral, but there are certainly other ways that I act lazy and half-ass things that I shouldn’t.   We can't ch ange what others do or d on't do, but we c an certainly change ourselves !   I refuse to believe that people can't change.  That they can't improve, and make a conscious decision to live life differently.  And, I c an prove it!  There are defini

If I were asked to name a favorite food, I would say cheeseburgers without hesitation.  There is just something about ground beef, smothered with cheese that makes my mouth water.  But, since I'm trying to lose a few pounds, I've been cutting out carbs where I can, which makes eating my favorite food harder than usual. I have a good friend who eats Five Guy's bunless burgers somewhat regularly, and was inspired.  It's simple enough, that even I could make this! This can of course be tailored however you want, but this is how I like to make it. 1 small head of romaine lettuce 1/4 pound of ground beef 1/4 cup extra-sharp cheddar cheese 5 halved grape tomatoes 1 tablespoon dill pickles salad cubes red onion to taste Thousand Island dressing to taste 

Sometimes self-reflection, and learning about oneself can seem so overwhelming !  I've been feeling that way over the last couple of days.  It can feel like it's just "too much," and I have this desire to pull away from everyone.  To go into a dark quiet place, literally and figuratively, until I've relaxed and regrouped enough to start again.  I think that's why in the past I've wanted to go away to a cabin in the woods, where I don't have to speak to or see anyone. But, once I recognized what I was feeling and why I was feeling it, I paused.  I gave myself a hug, had a good long ugly cry, told myself it will be ok, and I'm pushing on.  This is all part of the growth process.  It can be so painful and overwhelming.  But, going through it will only make me stronger.  After reading Love and Respect, I wanted to come up with some additional ways to show respect to the men in my life.  The book already highlights some really great ways to show res