Addictions

Hello, I’m not just a spinster and a lunatic, I’m also an addict.  A big one.  I have many addictions, but my biggest are comfort foods and television.  My comfort foods include cheese, sweets, and carbs.  I love pasta with a thick, creamy sauce, sushi, pizza, cheeseburgers, and really any type of fast food.  I’m not picky.  After a bad day, I will eat my comfort foods sitting in front of the TV, so that I don’t have to think or face my problems.  And, on a good day, I will celebrate by eating my comfort foods, while sitting in front of the TV, so that I don’t have think.  Because you know… I “deserve it.”  I think about eating while sitting in front of the TV during the day, and will fantasize about how good the comfort food will taste, and how much pleasure I will get out of vegetating and not having to think. 

It’s become a vicious and unhealthy cycle. 

And, I’m ready to quit. 

Why you ask?  What’s the harm in escaping life for a few hours each night and enjoying some good food?  Well, for multiple reasons… 

It’s not healthy for my body.  I’m not eating nutrient rich food, which means that I’m not only physically, but mentally sluggish.  And, since I’m chasing a feeling, and not eating for the purpose of fueling my body, I’m overeating. 

It takes up a large amount of time.  I have so many goals and things that I would like to accomplish in my lifetime, and by engaging in this behavior on a daily basis, I’m not reaching any of these goals. 

It causes me to be unfocused and not deal with my problems.  It’s not all the time, but on a pretty regular basis, I can’t focus because all I can think about is when I can go home and avoid whatever it is I’m currently struggling with.   

So, how can I become un-addicted to these things, and really stop relying on outside stimulus to self-soothe, and alter my mood so regularly?  My first thought was to simply find other, more healthy habits instead of eating in front of the TV every night.  But, I’ll just find another addiction.  No different than when I gave up sweets for Lent, and started eating a lot more cheese, and then discovered sugar free pudding, and gave up cheese for the sweets.  Ultimately, I need to deal with my problems, face my fears, and actively direct my life in a direction that aligns with the person I want to be.

Here’s how I’m doing it:

Earn my down time, or simple pleasures.  We cannot live a life of 100% pleasure.  For one, we will never appreciate anything.  And, if you can’t appreciate anything, then whatever you’re doing will bring you no pleasure at all.  Something that I’ve been trying, is to get all of my housework and errands completed during the week.  This leaves less time to sit in front of the TV at night, and also forces me to delay my downtime.  And, isn’t delayed gratification the very definition of maturity?  I’m also hoping I’ll feel less guilty for taking a day to do nothing, because all of my work is complete, and there’s nothing I should be doing instead. 

Face my problems.  The problems I’m running from include living a life without purpose.  I’m lonely, and feel isolated a good portion of the time.  So, I’m trying to find ways to work through these issues, and find solutions that are not just coping mechanisms.

Find ways to make a difference in the world.  Like most people, I want my life to matter.  I want to make a difference in the world.  To love and enjoy life, and spread that feeling to those around me.  So, I've signed up for an orientation to volunteer at a local animal shelter.  I hope that I can make it work with my office hours and the time it takes to commute from work!