Ways I'm Going to be More Emotionally Supportive

There are several ways to be supportive of your relationship partner.  Based on my own opinion, I believe that a good relationship partner is supportive physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  For right now, I’m working on being more emotionally supportive in all the relationships in my life… friends, co-workers, family, etc.  I’ve made the below list of things I need to work on, and am both anxious and nervous to see if I and/or others will notice a difference.

As I did my research, I noticed that affection and loving gestures, along with my points below, are also ways to be emotionally supportive.  However, since I’m relatively good with these things, I’m leaving them off my list.

 

What I found most interesting though, was that based on this study, women put all five of their nearest and dearest friends and family in their inner circle, whereas men, only put their wife in the inner circle, and their other confidants in “outer” circles.  So, men are actually more emotionally dependent on their significant other, than women.  Which makes improving my skills of being emotionally supportive that much more important.

Be respectful of your partners feelings.  I struggle with this, because in my past relationship, it felt like my boyfriend perpetually had the same problems.  And, I got tired of talking about them.  But, I do recognize that he deals with more than the average person, not to mention, he has people depending on him.  So, while I intend to acknowledge the part of me that is screaming “Pay attention to me for a change!,” I also recognize that being in a relationship is really not about me.  Do I honestly think that if I have kids, they’ll be worried about what they’re doing for me?  Ha!  No.  I think there’s a part of me that’s rather needy, and I’m working past this.

Listen deeply.  My ex-boyfriend was incredibly verbose.  To the point where we could have a conversation for hours, and he’d talk 98% of the time.  I recognize that I don’t always have a lot to say, and he’s far better at communicating than I am, but geez, take a breath, man!  Even if I wanted to say something, by the time I got the chance, my comment was no longer relevant.  Because I always felt like I was being spoken to, instead of actually having a conversation, I fell into the bad habit of not completely listening.  Regardless of my excuse for doing this, it’s unacceptable.  So, now when I talk on the phone I avoid flipping through Facebook or Pinterest.  And, if I can, avoid doing other tasks that could take my attention away from the caller. 

Help my partner with things going on in their life.  I used to think that by helping with little things around the house, or running errands, I was helping.  Mostly, because I didn’t see a way that I could be helpful with the larger problems.  And, there were some instances, where I felt like it wasn’t my place to get involved (like in family matters).  While I may have been helping to a small degree, doing these small things really weren’t taking much of a load off my partner.  Therefore, it made me seem cold and unsupportive.  Now, I’m getting more involved, and more actively helping my friends and family with things.  I figure if I overstep my bounds, they’ll let me know.  It’s got to be better than people thinking I don’t care.

Be more open.  I’m a rather private person, and if I feel like there is any small chance that someone will make fun of me or tell me my way of thinking is stupid, then I won’t even open my mouth.  I’m going to be stronger, and stand by what I believe.  And, if someone actually outright makes me feel bad for thinking a certain way, then I’ll be straight forward with them that I can’t be open with someone like that.  I’m also going to be looking into what makes a person more vulnerable. 

Express my appreciation.  So often in a relationship, things become routine, and we start to take those things that our partner does for granted.  Or, we assume that our partner already knows that we appreciate what they’re doing.  It’s always nice to hear that you’re not only appreciated for what you do, but the person you are (aka your personal character and values).  I know that I personally would love to hear that my partner appreciated me.  So, I will make sure that I acknowledge what others do for me, and that I appreciate them.  Not because I expect something in return, but because I don’t want to make others feel the way I so often feel – like what I do doesn't matter.