Lessons in Letting Go

After my post last week, I wanted to share something that has been greatly affecting me.  And, why it’s so important to forgive, and accept the things that have happened to you in the past.

While there were some really great things about my last relationship, there were also some really terrible things.  Without getting into the nitty gritty details and divulging too much, there was a lot about my last relationship that just never seemed fair, or even reasonable at times.  So, I became very sensitive, defensive, and resentful around certain topics.  My ex was, and still is, very communicative, which is great.  But when we would touch on certain topics, I could not even hear what he was saying.  All of those hurt and resentful feelings would come flooding back into my brain and my heart, and I couldn’t even see straight.  I’ve gotten really angry, and blown up because of this, and have ended up saying some very cruel things as a result.

I recognize that I’ve been hanging on to these hurt and resentful feelings for quite a long time.  Some circumstances have improved, and others have not.  Because I’m still friends with my ex, in order for us to maintain any kind of a friendship, I need to let this stuff go, and come to a level of acceptance of where our relationship currently is, and in what areas I can, and cannot trust him.  So far, I’ve noticed that simply acknowledging the hurt feelings and the events that caused them, is a huge part of the healing process.  I’ve stopped trying to burying my hurt feelings and pretend like my ex’s words and actions didn’t affect me.  But, they did.  Big time.  And, I need to stop running away from that fact.

I’m a huge fan of Bones, and as I was watching some old episodes last week, I came across this scene between Bones and Aubrey.  It was just too appropriate not to include in this post.  The message is really great, and I think it could apply to pretty much anyone and everyone.  I was hoping to include a YouTube video of the scene, but I couldn’t locate one.  So, I’m providing the script. 

Season 10 – Episode 7

Aubrey: Dr. Brennan. Just saw the news. You two got a nice shout-out for busting the head of Horizon. And the murderer.

Dr. Brennan: I imagine you would like to be receiving those accolades.

Aubrey: Booth told you what I did, huh?

Dr. Brennan: Yes. And about your father.

Aubrey: Yeah, that's my problem. You know, you don't have to…

Dr. Brennan: I know. My father was a criminal, too. I was 15 when I was abandoned. I-I was angry for years.

Aubrey: How did you get over it?

Dr. Brennan: I didn't.

Aubrey: So this isn't a comforting talk.

Dr. Brennan: No. The pain is always there. The challenge is to not try to make it go away.

Aubrey: This is really not comforting.

Dr. Brennan: Fighting it is the problem. We fight to try and change the past or push it away. But the pain is part of who we are. It's like the discovery of the quark. It upended all of our theories about physics. There was fury, fighting, but it was true. And when it was finally accepted, it gave us a better understanding of life. If we had denied it, there would have been no progress.

Aubrey: That was a really brainy analogy.

Dr. Brennan: Because I'm very brainy. It's not easy, Aubrey, but nothing of value is.