Diary of a Spinster and Lunatic

Given my relationship history, there is one thing I'm certain of... that I'm terrible at relationships.  So, in the interest of personal growth and self-improvement, I made the decision to create a relationship resume.  There's got to be some natural relationship ability within me!  Right?  Maybe? Unfortunately, I ran into some very serious, slap in the face, physical proof that I am, in fact, not good at relationships.  All I could come up with was an extremely small list of promises.  What's sad is that there is nothing on this list that will lead to a very deep or loving relationship. Needless to say, I have some work to do in regards to being a good relationship partner.  To never avoid your phone calls because I'm angry with you. To rub your back until you fall asleep. To let you know that I think about you throughout the day. To respond to your texts, when warranted, and not leave you hanging. To compromise. To be faithful. To always ask about yo

The throat chakra is the first of the spiritual chakras.   This chakra is located between the neck and shoulders, and is associated with communication and authentic expression.   So often we hide our true thoughts and points of view, for the sake of fitting in or being politically correct.   The throat chakra is not only associated with speaking, but with listening as well.   A person with an open throat chakra has the ability to speak the truth with both tact and diplomacy, and allows and encourages others to be heard and speak openly as well. When this chakra is open, a person is able to accept their own originality and come to terms with their own personal beliefs and values.   Something I’ve struggled with is looking past my social and familial pre-programming, and act like the type of person I want to be.   There is so much that I just accept as “the way it is” and never question it.   I want to stand for something.   Something good. Negative thinking and self-doubt are

It's finally here!  The September issue of Vogue has finally hit the shelves!!

Even though we're in the dog days of summer, and it's like a million degrees outside, I can still smell the imminent approach of the fall season.  When I left for work this morning, it felt like it did when I would stand out and wait for the bus that first week of school.  I've been thinking of that scene in You've Got Mail, where Joe Fox says: Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.   Do kids even know what a freshly sharpened pencil smells like?  I'm not a teacher, but there is something about "back to school".  It's a fresh start.  It's the excitement of learning something new.  Of growing, becoming wiser, and seeing old friends. I've completed my formal schooling some time ago, but I still want to buy school supplies and back to school clothes.  I'm a huge dork, and picked up some new colorful pens a

I’ve heard it said before that if there was only person on the Earth, Jesus still would have died on the cross for that one person.   Now, nowhere in the Bible is this written, but I do believe that God’s love for each of us is immense.   Up until recently, I, without a doubt, believed this statement was true for everyone but me.   I knew that my belief had to do with a lack of love for myself, but I didn’t know how to think otherwise.   Then, several weeks ago, I was sitting in church, listening to the priest give the Homily, and it dawned on me… I don’t think I deserve love.   Again, I struggled.  How exactly do you believe that you deserve love?   In my opinion, standing in front of a mirror trying to convince yourself that you’re worthy of love by reciting “I love you” over and over again is not effective. Reading this Ted Conversation really put things into perspective for me.   I needed to look at the reasons why I didn’t feel worthy of love.   Once I understood what was

Last week this time, I was on an amazing cruise of the eastern Caribbean.  To say it was beautiful would be an understatement.  There's a part of me that would love to quit my job and move to the Turks and Caicos Islands or the Bahamas, and find a job on a catamaran.  Who would not want to look at this everyday? Something I've always taken pride in, is being pretty efficient when it comes to packing.  Before I board a plane anywhere, I'm always checking online to see what other people have brought to that location.  What they found important.  Good packing tips, etc.  The cruise ship was leaving out of Miami, so I had to get all my stuff on a plane.  I don't really mind hanging out at baggage claim.  It's more the fear of my stuff not making it to Miami, and being stuck washing a few select clothing items in the shower every night.  Plus, I'm cheap.  And checking a bag, has gotten so expensive! I sufficiently packed enough for a week in two carry on

Robin Williams will always have a special place in my heart.   I can remember when his production of Robin Williams: Live on Broadway came out in 2002.   It aired on HBO, and I loved it so much that I ended up taping it off the T.V.   (Remember when we used to do that?)   It wasn’t until two to three years later that I relied on that video to bring light and laughter into my day.   I was working a job I didn’t enjoy, and was experiencing the pain of “paying your dues” and “starting from the bottom.”   I was also living with a roommate that turned out to not be a very good friend.   So, I felt like I had no escape.   I hated being at work, and I hated being at home.   I would put on this video every night as I went to bed.   I swear the jokes never got old.   As I watched, I was able to relax from my day, smile, and sleep more soundly. Thank you, Robin Williams.     

This past Sunday I had a huge fight with a good friend... someone I consider to be my best friend.  And, it's all because when he told me that by doing certain things was hurting his feelings, I responded with, "So... you make me feel that way all the time."  I really didn't care that I was hurting my friend.  In fact, I relished in the fact that he was feeling exactly the way that he makes me feel on, what seems like, a pretty regular basis.  I thought I had moved past my anger and resentment, adjusting my expectations so that I wasn't perpetually disappointed.  But, the truth is, I still have expectations.  And, telling myself that I don't deserve something or that I shouldn't expect certain things isn't helping either.  I was just trying to convince myself that my needs didn't matter.   I find it very easy to forgive someone when they've made a mistake, and then act differently going forward.  But, it's so much harder when the perso

The heart chakra is located at the center of your chest, and ties together the physical and spiritual chakras.   Appropriately, it is also the center of all the chakras, as it is the fourth chakra out of seven.   Some say that it’s the most important, because it allows you to feel and express love – the most powerful life force.   The heart chakra is also known as anahata, and is a person’s connection to others, bringing with it the understanding that we are part of something bigger than ourselves.   When our heart chakra is open we have a sense of compassion, empathy, love, respect, and kindness, not only towards others, but ourselves as well. A blocked heart chakra comes from a lack of love and compassion.   In my case, I totally did that to myself.   When the heart chakra is blocked, a person feels unworthy of love, and are fearful of rejection.   Some physical and psychological symptoms are below: Common Psychological Symptoms : Apathetic Faithlessness Unforgiving Hope