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Contentment



It’s gotten so cold outside within the last week, and it makes we want to snuggle under a warm blanket next to a fire with a hot cup of tea.  I have had this strong desire to drive to some remote cabin in the woods and just be away from people, enjoy the fresh air, read, nap, eat good food, drink good wine, and do yoga.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to spend an extended amount of time in a place that looks like this?


But, when I think about finding a place and taking the time that I crave, I realize that it’s not just a week or 10 days that I want to spend doing those things.  I don’t want to come back to reality.  First off, I think I’m lazy.  Second, I’m running away.  When I reflect on it, there are a lot of things I’m running away from.  Mostly, I believe it boils down to the fact that I’m tired of not meeting expectations.  If I’m being honest with myself, it’s not the expectations others put on me, but rather the expectations I have of myself and those expectations that I’m projecting others have of me.  

I should be married, or at least be in a serious relationship with someone that loves me.  I should have provided grandchildren to my parents by now.  I should be a better friend, and constantly have good people surrounding me.  I should be at a job that pays more.  I should have more money in the bank.  I should have a house of my own already.  I should be taking trips around the world.  I should be giving back to my community.  I should be able to buy things and not feel guilty about it.

What I really think I’m after is contentment.  I’m looking for that perfect balance of being content with where I am, while also continuing to learn and grow, and strive towards my goals.  I recognize that I’m in a learning curve.  (Aren’t we always though?)  I’m on this journey to be the best me, and I just want to get there already.  I’m tired of the growing pains.   So, how do I find contentment?  And, how do I not lose that drive and desire for more?  Because, I don’t think that is a bad thing.  I don’t think the expectations and things that I want for myself are bad or unreasonable and unattainable. 

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