It’s gotten so cold outside within the last week, and it
makes we want to snuggle under a warm blanket next to a fire with a hot cup of
tea. I have had this strong desire to
drive to some remote cabin in the woods and just be away from people, enjoy the
fresh air, read, nap, eat good food, drink good wine, and do yoga. I mean, who wouldn’t want to spend an
extended amount of time in a place that looks like this?
But, when I think about finding a place and taking the time
that I crave, I realize that it’s not just a week or 10 days that I want to
spend doing those things. I don’t want
to come back to reality. First off, I
think I’m lazy. Second, I’m running
away. When I reflect on it, there are a
lot of things I’m running away from.
Mostly, I believe it boils down to the fact that I’m tired of not
meeting expectations. If I’m being
honest with myself, it’s not the expectations others put on me, but rather the
expectations I have of myself and those expectations that I’m projecting others
have of me.
I should be married,
or at least be in a serious relationship with someone that loves me. I should have provided grandchildren to my
parents by now. I should be a better
friend, and constantly have good people surrounding me. I should be at a job that pays more. I should have more money in the bank. I should have a house of my own already. I should be taking trips around the world. I should be giving back to my community. I should be able to buy things and not feel
guilty about it.
What I really think I’m after is contentment. I’m looking for that perfect balance of being
content with where I am, while also continuing to learn and grow, and strive
towards my goals. I recognize that I’m in
a learning curve. (Aren’t we always
though?) I’m on this journey to be the
best me, and I just want to get there already.
I’m tired of the growing pains. So, how do I find contentment? And, how do I not lose that drive and desire
for more? Because, I don’t think that is
a bad thing. I don’t think the expectations
and things that I want for myself are bad or unreasonable and
unattainable.
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