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Selfish Thinking



I’m a very selfish person.  It’s taken a lot for me to admit that.  I’m sure that all my friends and family are going…

Because there are a lot of things that I do that I consider to be unselfish.  So, how could I be selfish!? 

Well, I wasn’t looking at it in the right way.  I was thinking that if I did random acts of kindness that I wasn’t selfish.  But, as it turns out, my way of thinking is selfish.  Something happened lately that really put things into perspective.  My parents recently retired and moved away to a warmer climate.  And, in doing so, has put multiple hours of drive time between us.  Basically, if I’m going to visit, it requires taking time off of work, because there’s no way I can go down and come back in two days.  I’ve become very irritated because every time I talk to my parents (which is about once a week) I feel like they’re harassing me to come and visit.  “They put all this distance between us.  They’re the ones that are retired!  And, they’re nagging ME and making ME feel guilty for not driving the gazillion hours to see them!?!?  How is this even fair!?”

Yeah… I’m a horrible person.

This really has been bothering me because I love my parents, and they are very loving and generous.  So, why was I getting so angry?  To be honest, I haven’t gotten completely to the bottom of it yet.  Because, there’s a part of me that still thinks the whole thing is unfair.  But, I do recognize that this is a prime example of me thinking and therefore acting selfishly.  I don’t feel like doing something (aka: driving 7 hours), so I end up making the person on the other end feel like an inconvenience.  Why can’t I think compassionately?  Shouldn’t I be thinking, “My parents are clearly feeling the distance and miss me.  So, I’ll make some time to go and see them, because I love them, and I want to make them happy.”?? 

What is wrong with me!?!?

I’ve learned that by just changing my mentality, it can forever change how I look at something in the future.  I’m not sure how well the below action items will help me in moving forward with a more compassionate way of thinking, but it’s a place to start, right?

1.     Team Thinking :
Looking back, my MBA program was a never ending stream of team projects and reports.  How often is it that one person doesn’t pull their weight, and another member of the group has to pick up the slack?  In my experience, it’s pretty often.  I swear there’s one in every group.  I need to think of my all my relationships with more of a team mentality, where everyone needs to pull their weight.

2.     Look at it from the other person’s point of view:
Using the group project example, what if I was the slacker!?  Sure, from my point of view I’m not.  I pull my weight.  Right?  But, if I were another member of the team, would they feel the same way?

3.     Why would the other person be acting the way they are?:
Essentially, have compassion.  What could the other person be feeling?  In my case, my parents miss me.  And, I miss them!  Life is short.  I’m going to take the opportunity while I can to spend time with them.

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