Filling a Void

I have issues with food.  You probably wouldn’t think so by looking at me because I’m a size 4, but I’m here to tell you that I do indeed have issues with food regardless of my dress size.  I use food to fill a void in my life. 

There are three big ways that I believe that I abuse food.  The first is that I eat when I’m bored.  Essentially, I eat for something to do.  I haven’t left the house all day, so why not go get take-out, or even eat out if I’m in the mood and actually look decent enough to be seen out in public?  The second is that I look for food to make me feel better.  Like, there are days when I’m feeling down and am completely immersed in self-pity, anxiety, or whatever the case may be, and I use food to try to help me pull myself out of it.  Like, today, I want cake.  I want cake BAD.  Or, ice-cream.  The third, is that I eat to the point where I am so full that it hurts.  I just want to taste something good.  And, then I feel full and fat, and will normally find some natural way to “move things along” so that I don’t feel so gross for days afterward.

I love to eat.  I truly enjoy and appreciate a well prepared meal.  I find it to be one of those little joys in life.  But, I also recognize that I have issues, and those issues need to be dealt with. 

Over the past several weeks, I’ve been trying to recognize when I’m abusing food in one of the three ways I listed above.  And, like today, my drive to be stronger than my immature urge for pleasure, has forced me to drink a cup of peppermint tea as opposed to going out and buying a piece of cake.  I admit that sometimes I do indulge in the cookie or the super sweet Starbucks coffee because I need a lift in my day.  And, there are times when I feel guilty, and other times that I don’t.  But, the point is that even if I do indulge, the next day is another day, and therefore a fresh start.

The goals I have set for myself are these:

1. Recognize that I’m abusing food, and find an alternative.  Whether that’s going to the gym, having a cup of tea instead of dessert, or doing something that takes my mind off eating.
2. Eat to the point where I am satisfied.  I’ve started making smaller portions for myself.  Then, when I go for the second helping, I ask the question, “Am I really still hungry?”
3. My body reacts poorly to certain foods.  I’ve noticed positive changes in my complexion, and the overall function of my body when I do or do not eat certain things.  So, for me, I’m working on incorporating more salads/veggies/veggie juices into my diet, and cutting out the sweets, the pasta, and the cheese.
4. Be stronger than my impulses for pleasure.  I recognize that everyone seeks pleasure, as it’s a human thing to do.  But, I don’t want things to control me anymore. 
5. I also recognize that I need balance in my life.  If I’ve worked through something difficult I’m going to reward myself, and that will probably be with food.  Or, shoes.  I won’t cut things out completely, nor will turn food into the enemy.  Food is truly a gift from God, and I intend to enjoy it.  But, with balance.