Ask Yourself... Why?

I have a rather embarrassing confession.  For the longest time, when I discovered that I had a problem in an area, I would try to find ways to stop and work around what I was doing or feeling.  Which initially sounds good.  To a degree, it even felt right.  However, the fact is though, this was only creating coping mechanisms.

I am Miss Coping Mechanism.

I wasn't actually working through my issues, and discovering why I was feeling a certain way.  I just bull dozed over my feelings.  I told myself these feelings were bad and unacceptable to feel, and that I needed to start feeling differently about whatever the situation was if I ever wanted to be happy.

So, I forced myself to feel a certain way about things, because I knew that's how good people were supposed to feel about it.

Unfortunately by doing this, I've developed metaphorical calluses.  I can tell I am colder, and more matter of fact about certain things, more so than I was in the past.  On my darkest days, I can feel completely numb, broken, and hopeless.  I can sometimes forget that life is a journey, and that whatever I'm dealing with is just one life's of many lessons.

What I have found is that in order to really get to the root of the problem I am facing, is to ask myself one simple question:

Why?

And, not just why I feel a certain way about something, but why would anyone?  Many times I find the answers to my own questions by looking at what others have also felt.

Why do I feel jealous?

Why do I dislike this person?

Why do I feel like a failure?

Typically, by doing this, I take the focus off myself, become less defensive, and am able to look at things with a clearer view.  By discovering the true definitions of these feelings and figuring out why any one person would feel them, I've really been able to tackle some issues, like jealousy, and now have a much clearer and healthy outlook on situations in my life.