Several weeks ago we were in the throws of graduation season. Along with pictures of my friend's children's graduation ceremonies from preschool all the way through high school, there were videos of famous people giving commencement speeches thrown into the mix of my Facebook feed. There were several that were particularly inspiring. And, it dawned on me... what would I have told my 18 year old self when I graduated high school, so that I wouldn't have had the struggles that I've dealt with over the past... let's not say how many years.
I'm not sure that anything I would have said at that time would have probably cracked through that childlike "I've got this all figured out" way of thinking. If someone would have told me to self-reflect, be positive, and work for everything you want, I would have told you that I was doing all those things. The truth is that I probably was doing them all to a small degree, but wasn't seeing all that ways that I wasn't doing them.
As of right now, if I could go back knowing everything I do now, and could talk to my younger self, this is what I would say...
I would imagine that if we took a survey, and asked 100 people whether they thought they were good or bad, most people would say that they were mostly good people, and treated others fairly, and with respect, compassion, and love. However, if we interacted with these people, there would reach a point where we noticed the ways they probably acted selfish, self-centered, and really weren't respectful of others at all. It's really easy to see the bad parts of others, but it's not so easy to see those parts within ourselves. Why? I imagine because we know our intentions behind our actions, while others do not. This is why we need to self-reflect, and constantly evaluate what we do and say, and how that aligns up to who we want to be.
Find a passion for learning. Sure, you like school, and reading, and learning new things. But, these are all things that you are required to do. You are required to learn material for exams in school, and you're required to learn the dance steps to a routine if you want to be in the dance company, but what would you learn just for fun? Because, once you reach the point where you're not required to learn for school, or for work, what are you learning? Find something that interests you, and develop a need, and a hunger for information and, more importantly understanding. Knowledge and understanding, are two very different things. You need to be able to explain the knowledge you have to yourself and someone else.
I know that you so badly want to fit in, and have close friends. But, be careful about becoming someone you don't want to be, just to fit in, and be a part of a group of people you think is cool. Figure out who you want to be. And, by that, I mean, do you want to be someone who is kind, who forgives, who appreciates the little things, and who is respectful of others? Define all the things you want to be. Actually, write down these definitions, and the actions a person with these qualities would do. And, then live up to this standard.
The world owes you nothing. Just because you've worked hard in school to get good grades, to get into a good college, and then to get a good job, does not mean that you are owed a perfect job with a tremendous salary. You will have to start at the bottom, and work your way up. You will work with people you don't like, and with people who don't like you. If you want more money, or you want to take more trips, or you want good relationships you will need to continue to work for them. Don't think that you will ever stop working for things, or that you will reach a point where you've paid your dues and people owe you. They don't.
Pride is a huge part of you. Notice that you're only open to feedback when you ask for it. If it comes unsolicited, don't get defensive. Ignore that voice inside your head that says, "Shut up, and leave me alone." And, more importantly, if feedback comes from someone you aren't particularly fond of, still be open to it.
Lastly, since you've just completed 12 years of catholic school, I know that there are things that you felt were forced upon you, and now you have the opportunity to make a choice whether or not to pursue your faith. If you want to deepen your faith, start making a relationship with God a priority, you will get closer to Him by simply doing the same things that you do when you meet another physical person. You must talk to them, listen, and and treat them with kindness and respect.
I'm not sure that anything I would have said at that time would have probably cracked through that childlike "I've got this all figured out" way of thinking. If someone would have told me to self-reflect, be positive, and work for everything you want, I would have told you that I was doing all those things. The truth is that I probably was doing them all to a small degree, but wasn't seeing all that ways that I wasn't doing them.
As of right now, if I could go back knowing everything I do now, and could talk to my younger self, this is what I would say...
I would imagine that if we took a survey, and asked 100 people whether they thought they were good or bad, most people would say that they were mostly good people, and treated others fairly, and with respect, compassion, and love. However, if we interacted with these people, there would reach a point where we noticed the ways they probably acted selfish, self-centered, and really weren't respectful of others at all. It's really easy to see the bad parts of others, but it's not so easy to see those parts within ourselves. Why? I imagine because we know our intentions behind our actions, while others do not. This is why we need to self-reflect, and constantly evaluate what we do and say, and how that aligns up to who we want to be.
Find a passion for learning. Sure, you like school, and reading, and learning new things. But, these are all things that you are required to do. You are required to learn material for exams in school, and you're required to learn the dance steps to a routine if you want to be in the dance company, but what would you learn just for fun? Because, once you reach the point where you're not required to learn for school, or for work, what are you learning? Find something that interests you, and develop a need, and a hunger for information and, more importantly understanding. Knowledge and understanding, are two very different things. You need to be able to explain the knowledge you have to yourself and someone else.
I know that you so badly want to fit in, and have close friends. But, be careful about becoming someone you don't want to be, just to fit in, and be a part of a group of people you think is cool. Figure out who you want to be. And, by that, I mean, do you want to be someone who is kind, who forgives, who appreciates the little things, and who is respectful of others? Define all the things you want to be. Actually, write down these definitions, and the actions a person with these qualities would do. And, then live up to this standard.
The world owes you nothing. Just because you've worked hard in school to get good grades, to get into a good college, and then to get a good job, does not mean that you are owed a perfect job with a tremendous salary. You will have to start at the bottom, and work your way up. You will work with people you don't like, and with people who don't like you. If you want more money, or you want to take more trips, or you want good relationships you will need to continue to work for them. Don't think that you will ever stop working for things, or that you will reach a point where you've paid your dues and people owe you. They don't.
Pride is a huge part of you. Notice that you're only open to feedback when you ask for it. If it comes unsolicited, don't get defensive. Ignore that voice inside your head that says, "Shut up, and leave me alone." And, more importantly, if feedback comes from someone you aren't particularly fond of, still be open to it.
Lastly, since you've just completed 12 years of catholic school, I know that there are things that you felt were forced upon you, and now you have the opportunity to make a choice whether or not to pursue your faith. If you want to deepen your faith, start making a relationship with God a priority, you will get closer to Him by simply doing the same things that you do when you meet another physical person. You must talk to them, listen, and and treat them with kindness and respect.
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