Stages of Change

It can be so frustrating when you think you’re working towards change, improving yourself, and expelling your bad habits, and no one notices.  And, not only do people not notice, they continue to tell you you’re not changing or worse, that you’re not even trying to change!  I got so frustrated with this a few years ago, that I ended up speaking with a counselor to ask for some guidance.  I really couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong, and why no matter what I did, I was not getting the results I was looking for.
 
What he told me was that there are actually six stages of change. 

Pre-contemplation – In this stage, a person is not even thinking of changing.  Or, they are in denial, and don’t think they have a problem.

Contemplation – In this stage, a person can see where their actions could be a problem, but don’t really care.  They might be more open to information surrounding making a change, but aren’t going to take action any time soon.

Determination – A person is now ready to take action, and is making plans to change.

Action – The plans are now put into action, and the person may be experimenting with different strategies to implement the changes they want.

Maintenance – The action stage takes roughly three to six months to complete, and the change is now a new pattern of behavior.

Termination - The change has taken place, and whatever the issue was, is no longer a threat.  

Looking back, I can see how I was crossing several of these stages.  I wanted to change and was taking actions to do so, but at the same time, I was in denial and in a way I didn’t truly believe in what I was doing.  At least not at that time.  In hindsight, it’s now clear that my mentality is what was holding me back.  I was looking at things at a very surface level.  When someone told me they didn’t like that I couldn’t remember things accurately, I signed up for Lumosity thinking the games would help me remember things more easily, and I started taking vitamins for memory.  The truth is that I needed to make what that person was saying important to me, in order to remember it.  I was doing something so small, and insignificant, that it really wasn't going to help me with my problem.   

When it came to tackling my moodiness, I couldn’t just ignore my feelings and force myself to act differently, because I was essentially telling myself my needs didn’t matter.  And, that just made me angry and resentful.  I needed to appreciate the person, and look at all of the good things they do and traits they have, instead of looking at what they weren’t doing for me.  It all came back to my frame of mind.  It wasn’t until I stopped looking at outside sources as a method to change, and started changing what was in my heart, that I started to notice the changes I was striving for.  And, the people around me started to notice too!