This morning I was feeling really sorry for myself. I just wanted to cry.
I constantly feel like a huge disappointment to my friends, family, and co-workers. The fact that I’m pretty much past child bearing age, meaning that I won’t be giving my parents a grandchild weighs on me. And, I don’t even know that I want kids! I was hurt because the one person in the whole world, whom I love and so badly want to make a life with, won’t give me the one thing that I need… a hug. A two minute snuggle session, just so that I felt like I wasn’t doing everything on my own. I can’t seem to get time away from work. I’m constantly busy. The people that I call friends can't seem to make time for me. And all this, is just the tip of the iceberg. (I could seriously go on a self-centered rant for like an hour.) I was feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, unable to give anything else. And, the fact that I couldn’t be excited to chat with some co-workers this morning made me feel guilty. Then I was sad because I don’t want to be a bad person and mistreat others. I started to Google how I could look past my own needs and wants and focus on others, making them the priority. Isn’t that what good people do?
Then I remembered something that I listened to yesterday
while I was working:
It’s not about whether things go according to the plan that
you’ve laid out in your head. It’s about
your intention. As soon as I made that
my focus, then I immediately stopped feeling sorry for myself. The way I interpret what Shauna Shapiro is talking about in the video is that all that
really matters is what’s important to you.
It’s more important to me to strive to be a good person. I can’t do that when I’m focused on the fact
that I’m not getting my way. I hope I
get quicker at remembering this as opposed to affecting other people for an
hour with my sour mood.
I was thinking about plastering this all over my cubicle and apartment so I don’t forget. This idea of intention just really spoke to me this morning.
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