We have all had our share of hurt and suffering. For me, that came in the form of a bad, toxic relationship. A relationship that I have held onto for almost 9 years now. There's a part of me that wishes it would just end, and another part that hopes we can make it work. I mean, those feelings for a person you truly love, just don't go away. And, I can't let go.
This man, who I now just consider to be a friend, said and did some pretty cruel things to me. I recognize that these things were out of anger and due in part to the hard life that my friend had to endure, beginning as early as infancy. That being said, there are days when I can think of him and see the hurt child that really just needs a good mother. But, then there's this other side of me, who is angry, hurt, and resentful.
I try so hard to do the right thing. That no matter what I'm feeling inside, I do the Christian thing on the outside. The thing I worry about though, is that God sees what's in our hearts. If we do something, but don't do it through love, God knows. And, we are ultimately being judged by what's in our hearts. Each day is a struggle to see this man, my friend with loving compassionate eyes.
There is the side of me that is grateful to have had this experience. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. And, I really like the person I am these days. But, then the other side is so angry and resentful, because he didn't love me for who I was, and who I was trying to become. I'm so afraid I'll never get past these hateful feelings.
So, I pray.
And, I pray and I pray.
Eventually, the message of how to get past these hateful feelings will come. Probably in a way that I least expect it.
If you're someone who is in need of a little hope. Pray. Be relentless about it. God hears you. And, eventually, your answer will come.
This man, who I now just consider to be a friend, said and did some pretty cruel things to me. I recognize that these things were out of anger and due in part to the hard life that my friend had to endure, beginning as early as infancy. That being said, there are days when I can think of him and see the hurt child that really just needs a good mother. But, then there's this other side of me, who is angry, hurt, and resentful.
I try so hard to do the right thing. That no matter what I'm feeling inside, I do the Christian thing on the outside. The thing I worry about though, is that God sees what's in our hearts. If we do something, but don't do it through love, God knows. And, we are ultimately being judged by what's in our hearts. Each day is a struggle to see this man, my friend with loving compassionate eyes.
There is the side of me that is grateful to have had this experience. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. And, I really like the person I am these days. But, then the other side is so angry and resentful, because he didn't love me for who I was, and who I was trying to become. I'm so afraid I'll never get past these hateful feelings.
So, I pray.
And, I pray and I pray.
Eventually, the message of how to get past these hateful feelings will come. Probably in a way that I least expect it.
If you're someone who is in need of a little hope. Pray. Be relentless about it. God hears you. And, eventually, your answer will come.
😘
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