Giving Up My Worldly Ways

This time of year, I always become bitter.  I’m angry at the fact that I want to go out and purchase some big chunky sweaters, warm winter coats, and some new boots, but I can’t.  Or, rather, I won’t allow myself to.  I become angry that I have to start my holiday prepping months in advance because I can’t afford to drop hundreds and hundreds of dollars during the months of November and December.  I envy my married friends who have a dual income, and can afford to spend a little more freely. 

Truth?  I’m assuming that I deserve to be able to work 9-5, and have the lifestyle I want.  I don’t.  I’m assuming that I deserve to purchase all these material items, when in fact, there are some that I don’t really need.  I just want them.  I want to dress a certain way to show that I have more class than people like the guy who lives below me who smokes pot roughly 5 days a week.  Or, the people in my apartment community that leave their trash laying in the parking lot, instead of taking it to the dumpster.  It that snobby of me?  Yes.  Does that make me superficial?  Yes.  Am I putting too much emphasis on worldly or material possessions?  Abso-fucking-lutely.      

Simply put, I need to be more.  Do more.  Work smarter, not harder, as they say.  But, most importantly, I need to have a better perspective of what’s really important.  The “stuff” in life is not what’s important.  It’s the people in my life.  It’s the experiences that I share with those people.  It’s creating a life of service.  If I’m not making a friend’s life better, than what am I doing?  And, no, I’m not under the allusion that simply by being in someone’s life I’m improving it. 

As of this moment, I have no step-by-step plan to change my focus.  Only that, when I notice myself becoming more focused on worldly things, to acknowledge what I’m doing and feeling, and to change my focus to what’s actually meaningful.  I did, however, find this article incredibly helpful.