Diary of a Spinster and Lunatic

As Thanksgiving approaches, aside from being totally consumed with cooking and cleaning in preparation for company, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what I’m thankful for.   I can be a really negative glass-half-empty type of person, so it’s not always easy to see all those blessings that I have in my life.   But, without a doubt, I know I’m blessed with some amazing family and friends.   My view on that is solid.   :)

In the past I would have never considered myself an emotional person.   I internalized everything (and for the most part still do), and would rather cut off my arm that actually admit that something is bothering me.   But, in my attempts to seem perfectly content and happy, regardless of how much I might be hurting, my emotions told an entirely different story.   I’ve discovered that my emotions come out because I actually want my feelings to be recognized.   I want someone to say, “Yeah, I know it sucks and it’s asking a lot, but would you please find time to finish this rush request today?”   But when does that happen?   In my experience, it’s pretty rare. What is the difference between feelings and emotions? There is actually a difference between feelings and emotions.   Feelings express your true self.   Our feelings are based off of our personal life beliefs and character.   Emotions, however, are actually how you respond to life...

In my past relationship I felt so neglected and unloved.   I felt ignored and in certain ways disrespected.   So, when my ex said that I was making him feel all those same things, it kind of blew my mind.   How could he possibly feel neglected?   I was the one who was being constantly brushed aside unless it was convenient.   Wasn’t I?   I’ve been so frustrated and hurt by the tumultuous parts of the relationship, that I can’t see past my own nose to see that I was not the only one suffering.   In fact, I was the cause of most of the issues that our relationship held.   I’ve noticed that so often when I criticize someone for something, I’m actually guilty of exactly the same thing.   Not always the specific action the other person is taking, but rather the underlying issue.   In response to my little self-discovery, I’ve decided to point my finger right back on myself.   And, to look at all the things that I felt bad about in ...

I don’t think it’s any big secret that I’m feeling a little over worked lately.    I would love to take a personal day.   Regardless, somewhere in the last week, I realized that I was sighing… a lot.   So, I took a small break to Google why people actually sigh.   It was as I expected.   It’s a way to express discontent, stress, and/or frustration.   I interpret this to mean that every time I sigh it’s my own little temper tantrum.   I don’t feel like being at work.   *sigh*   I don’t feel like going to the gym.   *sigh*   I don’t feel like getting up so early. *sigh* It's so not fair that I can't buy those amazing pair of shoes. *sigh* I don’t want to be the type of person that throws a tantrum every time she has to do something that she doesn’t feel like doing.   So, in conjunction with acknowledging my feelings of discontentment and telling myself to growth the fuck up, I’m also consciously doing some deep brea...

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the things I want to accomplish this month.   There’s just so much that needs to be done in preparation for the holidays – both Thanksgiving and Christmas.   But, I don’t want to lose focus on my internal growth.   So, one of my goals is to revamp my weekly list of goals to make sure that I keep those things I’m working on at the forefront of my mind.   I think I do pretty good at keeping my moodiness in check and my emotions under control when I’m actually thinking about it.   It’s when I get tired and frustrated that my good intentions seem to go right out the window. So, without further ado… my list of goals: Do cardio at least once a week and a muscle workout at least twice a week.   With the cooler weather I’ve already gotten too comfortable eating pasta.   Luckily it’s the season for baggy warm sweaters.   Plan my Thanksgiving meal, snacks, and family activities. Get my home ready for c...