Inferiority Complex

I am seriously starting to feel like a hypochondriac.  As I learn more about myself, I keep finding areas that need work.  Like, serious work.  Is it really possible for someone to have so many issues!?  There are days when I think I should be committed, or find a way to live out my life completely detached from others so that I can’t possibly irritate or hurt anyone else.  When I think about the damage that I could have caused, and probably did cause to those around me because of my issues, it makes me want to cry.  I mean, I called these people friends!

I was talking with a friend of mine a week or so ago, and all of a sudden it hit me… oh, my goodness, I think I have inferiority complex.  I honestly wish I could remember the conversation leading up to this life changing discovery about myself.  But, once I put what I assumed was the correct term – inferiority complex – to what I was thinking and feeling, life just somehow made so much more sense! 

 

Yes, I compare myself to others.  And, yes, I know that this is unhealthy.  Now that I can see the truth so much more clearly, I don’t even remember what silly reasons I gave myself to justify my way of thinking.  I guess maybe I thought it was a healthy comparison?   Or, maybe, I thought that somehow I was the exception to the rule?  I mean, of course, because I feel inferior I must actually be inferior, right?  How could that be anything but the truth?  If a fellow student did better than me on a test growing up, then they were smarter than me.  It never seemed to dawn on me that maybe that person worked harder than me to achieve a better grade on the test.  Or, maybe said subject was not my strong suit.  That didn’t mean that I was unintelligent overall.  The same as it never occurred to me that boys didn’t like me because of my moody personality.  I’ve always blamed my looks to include, my bad complexion, big ears, boyish figure (in high school), and deep-set eyes and big cheeks.  No matter what it was, I could tell you a reason that someone else was better than me.  The girl in dance class who had better turnout, the guy in school who never studied but excelled regardless, the girl who had a boyfriend, my sister who was prettier, more athletic, and made friends easier… all were better than me.  I believed that all of these people were not only better people and, therefore, overall superior to me, but they would inevitably be happier and more successful in life.

It’s amazing though.  Once I identified my problem, I pretty much immediately changed my way of thinking.  Don’t get me wrong, I still compare myself to others and have negative thoughts from time to time.  But, at least I’m aware that these thoughts, no matter how much they may seem real and hurt at the time, are not really true.

I wish I could determine where it all started.  I mean, what happened in my childhood that could have made me think this way?  My parents never called my sister and I stupid or had unreasonable expectations.  In fact, they encouraged a balanced life that wasn’t 100% school work.  I’m assuming that I just naturally have some personality traits that made me more susceptible to this manner of thinking?

Instead of blaming my parents, sister or my old classmates for my issues today, I decided to take a different stance.  What if I was actually a parent?  What do I want to make sure that I do or don’t do in order to for my child to grow up with a healthy view of themselves?  I spend very little time around children, but based on my own experiences, this is what I’ve come up with…

Making sure my child knows they can do anything with hard work.  Sure, I had chores growing up.  And, it was clear that these chores were things we had to do because we all lived in the same house, and we all had to chip in.  But, I know I struggle with being lazy.  Even today.  After a long day at work, I’ll come home and vegetate in front of the TV for hours.  I can remember not feeling like doing the stretches I should have done to become more flexible for my dance classes.  I mean, I spent several nights a week taking classes.  So, I figured that was enough.  Looking back, I can see I didn’t have the drive to strive for something better.  And, I regret not working as hard as I could have.

Reinforce that not everyone is good at all things.  I really can’t blame my parents for allowing me to think a certain way, when they probably had no idea what I was doing.  Hell, I didn’t even know what I was doing!  And, to be honest, I’m not sure how something like this would even come up.  But, I know I would get down on myself for feeling like I was never the best at anything.  So, knowing that I have the tendency to think this way, if I had a child, I would want to make sure that they knew no one is good at everything.  And, you don’t have to be an Olympian or win a Nobel Peace Price to be considered good at what you do. 

Ask my child to teach me something.  Maybe it’s something they learned in school, or a new trick to being a better baseball player, but I would ask my child to teach me something, so that they feel like the expert on occasion.  I know that I always looked for approval from my parents or teachers.  In fact, in college, I completely froze out when my friend made me choose the table we would sit at to eat in the cafeteria.  What if I chose wrong, and my friends judged me for picking a bad table!?  I want to make sure my child has the confidence they need to make their own decisions, but also be secure enough to ask for help when they need it.

Make learning and self-discovery a habit.  Grant it, I was born well before the dawn of the internet, and the internet has made finding information and learning new things so quick and easy.  But, I think if there was a constant interest to learn something new, the stress of not knowing something wouldn’t have been such an issue for me.