Skip to main content

Selfish Thinking



I’m a very selfish person.  It’s taken a lot for me to admit that.  I’m sure that all my friends and family are going…

Because there are a lot of things that I do that I consider to be unselfish.  So, how could I be selfish!? 

Well, I wasn’t looking at it in the right way.  I was thinking that if I did random acts of kindness that I wasn’t selfish.  But, as it turns out, my way of thinking is selfish.  Something happened lately that really put things into perspective.  My parents recently retired and moved away to a warmer climate.  And, in doing so, has put multiple hours of drive time between us.  Basically, if I’m going to visit, it requires taking time off of work, because there’s no way I can go down and come back in two days.  I’ve become very irritated because every time I talk to my parents (which is about once a week) I feel like they’re harassing me to come and visit.  “They put all this distance between us.  They’re the ones that are retired!  And, they’re nagging ME and making ME feel guilty for not driving the gazillion hours to see them!?!?  How is this even fair!?”

Yeah… I’m a horrible person.

This really has been bothering me because I love my parents, and they are very loving and generous.  So, why was I getting so angry?  To be honest, I haven’t gotten completely to the bottom of it yet.  Because, there’s a part of me that still thinks the whole thing is unfair.  But, I do recognize that this is a prime example of me thinking and therefore acting selfishly.  I don’t feel like doing something (aka: driving 7 hours), so I end up making the person on the other end feel like an inconvenience.  Why can’t I think compassionately?  Shouldn’t I be thinking, “My parents are clearly feeling the distance and miss me.  So, I’ll make some time to go and see them, because I love them, and I want to make them happy.”?? 

What is wrong with me!?!?

I’ve learned that by just changing my mentality, it can forever change how I look at something in the future.  I’m not sure how well the below action items will help me in moving forward with a more compassionate way of thinking, but it’s a place to start, right?

1.     Team Thinking :
Looking back, my MBA program was a never ending stream of team projects and reports.  How often is it that one person doesn’t pull their weight, and another member of the group has to pick up the slack?  In my experience, it’s pretty often.  I swear there’s one in every group.  I need to think of my all my relationships with more of a team mentality, where everyone needs to pull their weight.

2.     Look at it from the other person’s point of view:
Using the group project example, what if I was the slacker!?  Sure, from my point of view I’m not.  I pull my weight.  Right?  But, if I were another member of the team, would they feel the same way?

3.     Why would the other person be acting the way they are?:
Essentially, have compassion.  What could the other person be feeling?  In my case, my parents miss me.  And, I miss them!  Life is short.  I’m going to take the opportunity while I can to spend time with them.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Oh Lord

When I die, put my ashes in the trash bag I don't care where they go Don't waste your money on my gravestone I'm more concerned about my soul Everybody's gon' die Don't everybody live though Sometimes I look up to the sky And wonder do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord Listen, yeah everybody wants change Don't nobody wanna change though Don't nobody wanna pray Till they got something to pray for Now everybody's gon' die But don't everybody live though Sometimes I look up to the sky And wonder do you see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord, do You see us down here? Oh Lord, oh Lord It's easy to blame God but harder to fix things We look in the sky like, "Why ain
Post a Comment
Read more

See the Value in Each Day's Journey

Sometimes the road seems so long and endless, that the idea we'll ever get to where we want to be seems like a battle that will never be won.  That all our efforts don't matter, and are for nothing.  But, the truth is, we need to find joy in the journey.  Stop focusing so much on what we don't have and that place that we haven't reached yet, and start being present in the moment and learning how everything we do affects us, and others.  Ask yourself, what is the impression I made today?  How have I affected others?  How does that make me feel?  How can I do better? Too often, I believe that we miss part of the message we're supposed to get out of our experiences, because we're so focused on the the end point. "The Pleasure and value of every walk or journey we take may be doubled to us by carefully noting down the impressions it makes upon us." - John Burroughs
Post a Comment
Read more

Happy November!

It is officially November, so you know what that means.   Holiday preparations are now in full swing.   I’ve been told I’m so organized I’m boring, but making lists, forward thinking and planning helps with managing my stress levels.   There is just so much to do, think about, and keep track of!   I have about 5 lists going right now.   It’s crazy.   What’s most exciting is that since I’ve moved to a house, my family and I will have more room to spread out and relax at Thanksgiving.   I always get so nervous that everything won’t work out, or people won’t have a good time.   But, no matter how much I worry, it always works out in the end. Here’s to a happy, healthy, and relatively stress free holiday season!
Post a Comment
Read more