Diary of a Spinster and Lunatic

For the longest time, I considered the super opinionated/judgmental side of myself, to just be a part of me.   I thought it was who I was, and I wasn’t going to be able to change it.   So, I developed coping mechanisms where I tried super hard to never let people know what I really thought.   I thought if I could just keep these harsh thoughts to myself, then I was knocking this thing called life, out of the park.   The thing is, I’ve noticed that my judgments have turned to resentments.   And, there are things that have been eating at me for years, decades even! For whatever reason, the Spirit moved me to look further into what I considered my opinionated side.   And, I ended up picking up Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein at my local library.   I finished the book in 4 days.   It’s seriously that good.   From the moment I turned the first page, Gabrielle was there enlightening me.   We are judgmental because there is ...

We have all had our share of hurt and suffering.  For me, that came in the form of a bad, toxic relationship.  A relationship that I have held onto for almost 9 years now.  There's a part of me that wishes it would just end, and another part that hopes we can make it work.  I mean, those feelings for a person you truly love, just don't go away.  And, I can't let go. This man, who I now just consider to be a friend, said and did some pretty cruel things to me.  I recognize that these things were out of anger and due in part to the hard life that my friend had to endure, beginning as early as infancy.  That being said, there are days when I can think of him and see the hurt child that really just needs a good mother.  But, then there's this other side of me, who is angry, hurt, and resentful. I try so hard to do the right thing.  That no matter what I'm feeling inside, I do the Christian thing on the outside.  The thing I worry about t...

My Bible Study group started back up again a couple weeks ago, and I didn’t realize how much I missed this wonderful group of women over the last three months.   During the introduction, our group leader said that we were all there, arm in arm, trying to get each other to Heaven.   What a beautiful and powerful image! How much better would the world be, if we were more focused on how we supported each other, and less worried about what we were getting?  

Fall is by far my most favorite time of year.  I love the colors, the smells, the scarves, and the hot beverages.  I'm so excited for this change of season.  I really want to cherish and savor this time.  So, I put together a fall bucket list, to help make some special memories. I hope you enjoy everything this time of year has to offer! * Go apple picking. * Carve a pumpkin. * Make homemade apple bread. * Do an at home yoga retreat and spa day. * Finish painting my guest room. * Go to The Pendry for brunch. * Try a new hearty stew or chili recipe. * Go for a hike among the pretty fall leaves. * Take lots of pictures! I had to laugh when I saw this picture.  It's so me on September 1st!  At least mentally.  Because well... it's literally about 100 degrees outside as I write this.  LOL!

Last week, I was really struggling to be kind, and open my home to someone I don't really trust or respect.  But, regardless of my feelings for her, she needed my help.  Luckily, she ended up not staying with me.  However, those feelings of judgment, resentment and hate towards this person concerns me.  This person has never been consciously hurtful towards me.  I just don't like the type of person she is.  I'm such a child nerd, but it took me watching Cinderella a few times to see how I needed to view this woman.  I needed to remember her backstory, and that there is a reason she acts the way she does.  I don't have to agree with it.  But, I need to have compassion, and if anything, be a positive influence to her, and maybe through my example, she will want to raise her own standards.

For the last several months, I’ve been really focused on changing daily habits in order to reach my personal goals and raise my standards.   I figure, if I change a part of my routine, then after a while it becomes the new normal.   And then, I won’t even think twice about the routine (or life) change that originally seemed so drastic. I came across this Tony Robbins video, and it just spoke to me. There are so many things over the years that I’ve wanted to do, but told myself I would do it one day.   You know, when I had more time, more money, or the support of a significant other.   The thing is, more than 15 years later, many of the things on my Should List are the same.   And, I find that to be rather depressing. Mr. Robbins says that if something is important to us, then we do it.   But, we consider those “shoulds” in our lives to be “nice to haves.”   Meaning, we don’t put much effort into reaching our goal, whatever that may be, ...